“OMFG!!! I’ve Been Hacked!?$?!”
I received that text from my GF last week, and all hell broke loose – literally and figuratively. My GF, who is a regularly relapsing Smartphone addict, has this habit of using her Samsung Galaxy for EVERYTHING – surfing, emails, texts, cloud, pics, financial info, social security numbers (parents, her, and mine), credit cards, etc… I don’t remember ever seeing her using an actual Computer – like a laptop or a desktop. So obviously, while surfing one of those shady-amazon-discount-coupon sites, her phone got jacked by a malware, which downloaded itself onto her phone. Thankfully, given the way the Android OS is designed, externals APKs require the explicit authorization of the user in order to begin installation. She wasn’t aware of this and freaked the fuck out.
So, the other day I was just messing around with my Samsung Galaxy S4 and I thought to myself, “Bruh, how cool would it be if we could Jailbreak this motha-f**kin piece of tech right here. We could literally turn this Samsung Galaxy S4 into the f**kin Death-Star with a fully functional Kali Linux Distribution on this bitch. Let’s go ma *N-Word* – let’s do this!” And just like that, I literally signed my own death-warrant that ultimately culminated in me running an FDISK on my Windows PC (Partition), and with over 10+ hours of lost productivity, all because I wanted to see gain motha-f**kin root access to my Android Device. Un-Freakin-Real. Bruh, you’re better off going getting kicked in Deez Nuts a Million times than trying to jailbreak your Android Device. Trust me, it will literally destroy your life!
Now that we’re done with the monologue, let’s get to what the fu*k really happened and why I’m so against Jailbreaking your Android Device.