So, the other day I was just messing around with my Samsung Galaxy S4 and I thought to myself, “Bruh, how cool would it be if we could Jailbreak this motha-f**kin piece of tech right here. We could literally turn this Samsung Galaxy S4 into the f**kin Death-Star with a fully functional Kali Linux Distribution on this bitch. Let’s go ma *N-Word* – let’s do this!” And just like that, I literally signed my own death-warrant that ultimately culminated in me running an FDISK on my Windows PC (Partition), and with over 10+ hours of lost productivity, all because I wanted to see gain motha-f**kin root access to my Android Device. Un-Freakin-Real. Bruh, you’re better off going getting kicked in Deez Nuts a Million times than trying to jailbreak your Android Device. Trust me, it will literally destroy your life!

Now that we’re done with the monologue, let’s get to what the fu*k really happened and why I’m so against Jailbreaking your Android Device.

Chapter 1: The Quest

When the thought of Jailbreaking my Android Device hit me, I could barely contain my fu*kin excitement. I was so fu*kin ecstatic that I immediately jumped the fu*k on Google and started looking for Jailbreaking/Rooting Kits (Packages) for Android. I might have spent about 1 to 2 Hrs trying to find the right Rooting Kit for my specific Device and Android OS (Distribution). After some unfathomable fu*kery, I finally found the Rooting Package that I was looking for, and lo and behold, I downloaded it and was ready to go.

Addendum:

I also had to download and install Device Drivers for my Android Device in order to connect the device to my PC, which is a standard procedure when Jailbreaking smartphones.

Chapter 2: The Betrayal

The moment I double clicked on the fu*kin .EXE Win32 file for installing the Android Rooting Kit on my PC, and gave Administrator Authorization for the install, I was fu*kin DOOMED! The fu*kin rooting kit which I downloaded from a popular Android Developers forum, where all the well-respected developers upload their Android Hacks and Upgrades (Plugins), was indeed a Virus which once activated, installed a Zillion root-kits and malwares on my PC, and totally fu*ked my Windows Registry. The Virus latched onto to the CCleaner software on my computer and gained Admin Access which allowed it to completely alter my Registry Keys. Baada Boom Baada Bing!!!!

Chapter 3: The Conclusion

Fast-forward 10+ hours and you’ll see a completely exhausted man, both mentally and physical, running FDISK on his Windows OS, saying good-bye to all his precious data, files, books, pictures, source-codes, etc… I’ve done some really crazy and stupid things in my life, but this one is some next level fuckery.

Moral of The Story:

Avoid falling into the trap of jailbreaking your Android device. There are already a Zillion FREE Apps on the Google App Store for pretty much every possible imaginable situation; which is why unlike the iPhone, you literally don’t need to jailbreak your Android Device. Ever.

Posted: October 22, 2015 at 1:57 pm

CAUTION: Do Not Jailbreak Your Android Device